Our family floats upon a cloud that delivers us from one crisis to another, sometimes playing bumper cars with the these crisis’ making them all blend into an amazing storm.
I’m currently taking Certified Nursing Assistant classes for 5 hours per night (5 pm to 10pm) four nights a week for four weeks…not to mention the clinicals and follow up testing (this all is another post). It’s not only been difficult on me, my energy, and my focus, but also on my family and our “resources”. Add the infusion, fighting with insurance, Tri-Annual IEP, upcoming EEG, therapy and “normal” requirements of school for kiddos x 3, and we’re all a little taxed. Our house is a disaster.
Through this, I’ve hardly found time for reflection. Instead, finding myself moving from one task to another, hardly looking up, trying to remember to eat, fighting sleep yet yearning for it. Reflection, balance and normalcy are words that mean nothing at the moment.
I’ve recently come across some tips that I found not only short but attainable. Sure, I can’t do each of them all the time, but these certainly aren’t time consuming impossible tasks like “Set aside 20 minutes every day to relax in a bath with candles and soft music”. Ha! Instead, it’s logical and focuses on the important things. But the focus….
Through all we’re doing right now, the only focus I can find is in 2 minutes of stolen quiet-time (usually driving from one appointment to another), and these moments of quiet have become invaluable. I use this time to reflect on reactions that likely won’t make it into my list of “Best Parenting Moments Ever”. It’s a sliver of time to see where I’ve come from, what I’ve lost, what I’ve “found” and what direction I need to go in. They allow for the opportunity to consider what I’m doing as a parent of a child with special needs; how can I improve…better educate myself, inform others, teach my son, be an example for his siblings.
And quite frankly, they are also times to just quietly stare off into space. Not answer anyone’s nagging questions. Not receive direction or complaint, nor tasks to add to the never ending list. It’s quiet times to allow my thoughts to flow from one thing to another, never making a solid, form-able, heeded thought. Just gibberish.
And I’m okay with that too!
