This Is My Normal

Three of my four kids have sensory processing dysfunction, a condition that exists when sensory signals don’t get organized into appropriate responses. The jury is out on the two year old but I’m starting to see some signs of what’s yet to come.

When the older three were toddlers I never questioned if any of their quirks were abnormal. I grew up with quirkiness and odd behavior in my family so it didn’t phase me much when my own kids began demonstrating some of those behaviors.

I was underweight as a child (no longer a problem) because of my pickiness over food. One of my cousins couldn’t stand to wear underwear and another one had tics. My brother had learning disabilities and my mom is a mental illness cocktail of bipolar, OCD, Borderline Personality Disorder, anxiety and a dash of psychosis.

That was and is my normal.

It’s other people who question my kid’s behavior and insinuate that if I was a better parent they wouldn’t have these idiosyncricity’s. So I honed up my parenting skills by reading every book I could get my hands on and sought advice from friends but there were times that disciplining certain behaviors seemed cruel.

One mom told me that I shouldn’t let my son leave the dinner table until he ate at least three bites of each thing on his plate. Seemed reasonable but what do you do if your son is crying and gagging over a food as if he was being forced to eat slimy cow brains?

Another mom was horrified when she saw Isabelle’s dingy and thread bare underwear. The only pair that felt “right” to her so she wore them everyday until they literally fell apart. It was useless trying to explain to this mom that most underwear caused Isabelle to scream in pain as if it were burning her. I was just thankful that we found one pair that felt right.

Then there were the well meaning folks who would tell me to put a coat on my son before he catches a cold. How could they possibly understand that making him wear a coat would cause such a meltdown that we wouldn’t be able to leave the house? He certainly didn’t mind being cold. To him it was better to be cold than to feel like he was suffocating or choking in his coat.

Some folks aren’t well meaning but the judgemental types who give that look with their observations. You know, the look that says, “Shame on you for letting your kids do whatever they want!”

Those are the folks that get a snarky reply from me if they catch me on a bad day. When they point out that my toddler’s shoes are on the wrong feet (to her they feel better that way) I respond with, “Of course they are. Her toes are transposed” or if they comment about my son not wearing a coat I respond with, “He can’t wear one. He has a rare disorder that causes his body to overheat.”

I’m mature like that.

My point is that it is very hard to make someone who doesn’t have any experience with sensory issues to understand my kids. And that’s okay because I know that these are the kids I was meant to have.

It’s my normal.

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