I’ve learned not to look too deeply into what J’s thinking. Beyond what his needs are, what may cause or did cause a meltdown and how to keep him entertained and growing without meltdowns is about as far as I’ve gone. We’ve been in such a similar space with similar likes and dislikes for so long, I’ve stopped expanding my repertoire of thought when it comes to ‘deep’ J thinking.
However, I’ve recently come to realize that there are times where he might be making a request or a gesture that seems surface, but really has a deeper meaning, a deeper want. Not taking things at face value has caught me by surprise, though I have to admit I’ve found it an interesting challenge and a welcome change. The most recent example was over Christmas.
We’ve come to believe and rely on our children’s belief in Santa Claus to keep them ‘in line’ around this time. (Although the ever-expanding holiday cartoon selection, their stories and twists keep us on our toes, leaving us to make up even more story-lines on what Santa does and who is in the mall or driving down the street in their respective Santa costumes. At this point, I’m not even certain if I’ve caught myself up in my own web of Santa falsities. Only their responses and time will tell us.) However, I am starting to wonder if J’s thoughts about who it is that grants him his Christmas Gift has bypassed our Santa Stories all together.
It would seem his recent perseverations could not find a resting spot because he wasn’t receiving the answer he was looking for. He would ask, over and over for days upon days about the gift he wanted from Santa. Our response was to wait and see what Santa would bring him…”we don’t want to get you something so similar to what Santa’s having specially made for you” or something like that. But the questions continued.
It could be the answer that would have stopped all this questioning would have been… “yes, that’s what we’re getting you for Christmas”; because, in truth it seems he knows we are the ones supplying for Santa. And that, is something I’m not ready for.
What’s your experience with perseverations? Are they calmed with the ‘right’ answer? Are their meanings surface or deeper?
