The way our families accept our children with special needs can make or break our relationship with them.
When we had some family in town this weekend, we saw the way we would love our whole family to treat Precious.
I hadn’t seen my husband’s cousin Tamara since my wedding almost 11 years ago. DH had seen her about three years earlier at her wedding to her long-time boyfriend, Paul. They arrived on Thursday with Paul’s brother.
Paul and Tamara have a 6 year-old daughter and since Precious is 5, I knew they would have certain expectations about her development. I wasn’t sure if they were aware of some of the challenges she is facing since they live so far away and we aren’t in contact with them that much.
On Thursday night, DH explained to our visitors that Precious had a special needs worker coming the next day. I was on my way up the stairs on the way to bed and missed some of what he said after that, but he told them about her. Before the talk, they were joking around with her in ways that were way over her head, and asking her questions that she didn’t understand. As soon as DH explained that she had a few challenges and was ‘younger’ then her age, they started modifying their behaviour towards her. The jokes were saved for the older kids, and Precious was treated wonderfully.
It seemed that our visitors intuitively knew how to act with our daughter. They adjusted their behaviour without any guidance from us on how to act. They didn’t once display any pity towards us. It seemed like they were thinking “accept and move on.”
So DH’s husband’s family passed the special needs challenge with flying colours. They invited us to come and stay with them in Nova Scotia and we’re planning a trip in the summer of 2012. They were so easy-going and relaxed that having them here was a pleasure. They treated all of our kids as people, and individuals and they will always be welcome in our home.