guilt by association…

Guilt by association~  I’m feeling guilty about something I’ve never told anyone. Not a sole. I LOVE my son with all my heart and I wouldn’t trade him for anything there is NOTHING I would trade him for Nothing! But as I sit and watch Television (really I don’t watch that much, although my posts make it seem like I do) I see the advertisements for Disney World…you know where the parents are filming the kids as they tell them they are taking them to Disney and the kids get SOOOOO exicited. I cry. Then they show the little girls dressed as princesses and twirling their dresses at Disney. The smiles on their faces, I cry. I feel guilty because part of me aches for my son to get that excited about anything. Disney will probably not be on our Bucket List of things to do with him. I don’t for see that being a good experience for him. I know all the wonderful things they do for families with special needs. But honestly, I didn’t enjoy it when I went so I don’t think I’d visit again. I know people that go every chance they get. 

Really feeling guilty about Disney??? No that’s not it. I’m an only child. Not spoiled, but I know there are perks of being an only child. Especially when you’re older and you can see how families divide as the grandparents get older. It’s not pretty to watch from a distance, as the family drifts apart. It’s a personal choice, many of you may already be thinking no more kids the better or at least 2 because they have each other to fall on after your gone. But I’m seeing the after effects of that also with my husband and his sibling. Don’t see any communication there, maybe because their parents divorced and split the kids…they are as opposite as they come. So why am I posting?? Well part of me would OH SO VERY much would like to have another child. Yes, I feel guilty because yes, I’d like this one to be healthy and typical. You may think I’m crazy, I love my son and all the experiences he’s given us. But I’d like him to have a friend, someone he could count on. With that in mind, I think, it’s not fair for this child to have the weight of the world on their shoulders. There is such a conflict in my heart about this. and I feel horrible even talking about it. It’s almost like I feel sorry for myself, hense the guilt, I feel like I’m missing out on something…not only my son is missing something but us as a family is missing something. I know it’s a personal choice.

what’s your experience?

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