Am I the only one who can’t seem to find any time to take care of me in my life? OMG, for all the child-rearing and special needs advocating and work I’m doing, there doesn’t seem to be a moment left for me!
I’m not talking about luxuries like taking a bubble bath, a night out with the girls or kicking back to watch an adult (not that kind) movie! I’m talking about surviving!
Yes, I know we mamas have to take care of ourselves because our children with and without special needs need us. I desperately want to take care of myself! I want to eat healthy and work out! But seriously, when am I supposed to be fitting that into my overstuffed schedule? Fresh produce? I’m lucky there’s food in the house as getting to the supermarket in between work deadlines and school pick-ups is a challenge enough. And don’t even suggest growing a vegetable garden! You should see the condition of the perennial (good move) flower garden planted before The Boys started walking! Exercise? I guess I could give up some of my limited and already consistently interupted sleep to get up and shake my booty… oh no, wait, I can’t. Because I can’t go to the gym and leave the kids unattended, or with their sleeps-like-a-rock Dad who won’t hear them wake and won’t feel them climb over him to go downstairs and get into trouble or worse, go out looking for Mommy! Work out at home you say? Well, what a great idea! The elliptical trainer and treadmill await! Just as soon as I’m done throwing in a load of laundry so we have clothes to wear today and load and run the dishwasher so I have a clean spoon and bowl to mix the pancake batter in when the kids wake up hungry.
What about when the kids are in school? Another brilliant thought! Just as soon as I finish my work — 2 “flexible” part-time jobs — with inflexible deadlines in between the CSE and 504 meetings. NOT complaining here! I’m SOOOOOOOOO lucky to have work that I can fit into this crazy life I’m living so that I have money to buy pancake mix and, hopefully someday, fresh produce, if I ever get to the store! Oh, what’s a half hour break for exercise, you say? Well, tell that to the boss when I don’t get the newsletter content to the folks in India who shut down at 2:00 PM EST! Or tell that to the other boss when no one shows up to the event I was supposed to be promoting! Deadlines are deadlines. I get that! But there’s a deadline on getting healthy too! It’s called dropping dead of a heart attack because I’m doing TOO MUCH and not taking care of myself!
I can’t be alone in this! I can’t be the only mother struggling with the balance (or lack thereof) of attending to the special needs of my children and living healthy. Can I? I love my children and wouldn’t trade or change them for the world! And yes, I’m working diligently to teach my children to be independent so I can fit in a little something for me… It’s just taking a little longer for them to get it. So, I keep teaching, guiding, helping. I KNOW they’ll get it… I just hope I’m not 70-years-old, 300 lbs and on heart meds by the time they do!
Seriously!
I’m as strong, physically and mentally, as a mom of 3 kids with special needs can be… and then some. But I know I need to do more/do anything in the way of taking care of myself! I need to exercise! I need to lose 40 lbs! I need to be able to breathe easier, not just to run after my kids, not just to survive, but to LIVE! I want to have a thought that doesn’t start with “OMG, when is that due?” I want to feel good about myself physically and to feel calm mentally! But how?
[I was going to jump on the treadmill until the kids woke up… but 2 outa 3 of my little ones just came downstairs… so I missed that deadline! I guess I’ll wash those needed dishes. It’s time to make the pancakes!]
More from Maggie at Walk On The Happy Side