Grandparents



                               

Sorry I disappeared for a couple of posts there. We were traveling on the days that I was supposed to post, and although I had great intentions of writing something ahead of time…well, you understand.

We took care of my mother-in-law for a couple of weeks. It was easier in some ways, and harder in others. I see her declining ever so slightly. The good news is she is too confused to fight with us as much as she used to. The bad news is, she is very confused. First she was visiting at our house and she kept thinking that her things were missing because her brain was spending some portion of time telling her she was at her house. One suitcase full of clothes was not satisfying her idea of how much stuff she should have. Then when we took her back home and spent several days there she kept making reference to our house and “When were we taking her home?” I am grateful for the (more) pleasant time we had with her. I want my children to have good memories of her. These care-giving weeks just deplete my energy that much further.

Summer is hard anyway. The child is reverting to some very tough behaviors and I keep slipping in my attempts to address them, which doesn’t help. She is tired of being with her siblings, and in general missing the structure that school provides and I can’t. School is only a month away which seems both close and oh, so, far away.

The one highlight so far is that our family went to Legoland for a bit of a respite during our visit with Grandma. It was our first trip to a major theme park, and I admit I was nervous. I was particularly concerned that our boy might wander off and get lost. We practiced three skills related to that before we left. Every time we were out in public I had the kids practice “staying together” which was perhaps the most important thing. We also practiced standing still and calling to our family using our last name (‘cuz there are lots of mommies at Legoland). Lastly I had them practice asking for help from a safe person – an employee or mommy. The actual visit went really well. No one got lost, though there was plenty of opportunity, so I was glad for our skill practice. There were only a couple of long waits and only one of those was what I would call frustrating. I liked the fact that most of the rides there require the rider to actively participate – pedaling, pulling ropes, turning knobs, pumping, steering, etc. Most exciting was that one of the longer waiting areas had a Lego play area in the middle where the kids could go build things while someone stood in line to hold their place. The child was initially hesitant to go in, but when she did she actually “made friends” with a couple of the girls that were in there. They worked together to build a huge tower of Legos, and then knock it down. The girls she met were a little younger than she is, but I was so encouraged that her social skills were up to connecting with strangers and playing cooperatively. Those are the moments that really keep me going.

I hope your Summer is filling up with good memories. What’s your favorite memory so far?

a Lego model of the Millenium Falcon

The Millenium Falcon in Legos…and now I suppose I must introduce my children to Star Wars. They had no idea what this was all about.



                               

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Interdependence

Nope. Not a typo. I know it is the Fourth of July. Happy Independence Day, everyone, and special thanks to our troops and veterans!

Grandma (my dear Mother-In-Law) is coming to visit us today, which means we’ll soon be having fireworks of our own. Everyone aged four to eighty-four in our house will be claiming “independence.”

I can do it myself! I don’t need your help! I’m in charge!

I think I’m starting to see that this isn’t really true for any of us, however. Even the most strong-willed and able-bodied among us need a little help now and then. We all think we’re so self-sufficient, but really…we’ve come a long way from the pioneer days, and most of us wouldn’t stand a chance under the conditions our forefathers endured.

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Road Trip with Grandma

This will be short and sweet. I am sneaking this in while everyone else in the family is still sleeping, but who knows how long that will last. We are visiting my mother-in-law for a few days at her house. Today is the day we pack our little brood, and Grandma, and drive back home where she will visit with us for a week and a half. Last time we did this it was way better than I expected it to be. This time, I don’t know.

In case you have missed earlier posts, the brief version: Grandma evidently had a stroke at some point.

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Weddings (and other such events)

Tomorrow my brother is getting married.

In a quiet, small gathering.

On a boat.

At Disney World.

 

Now, while most people think this sounds romantic and lovely, I am a nervous wreck. My brother loves my son no matter what; however, if he decides to melt down or scream or narrate the entire event, I fear he’ll never speak to me again!

So, to make myself feel better, I tried to think of all the ‘What If’ moments that could happen, so that when something minor happens, I won’t freak out. It doesn’t make any sense to anyone but me, but that is OK.

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What a Difference

I’ve had emotional whiplash all week. Grandma is visiting us this week. In case you don’t know the significance of those words you can read the worst part of it here. I’ve written about our struggles with her before. Turns out she does not have Alzheimers or dementia, per se, but the neurological damage she does have has basically the same markers and symptoms. One Doctor even called it “false dementia” which is so sad it’s almost funny. There isn’t anything “false” feeling about it. Previously when we have gone to visit her (all five of us) it has been hard to help her because she gets so angry at everything we do…help her haul things to good will, clean out her pantry, get her bookkeeping caught up, walk the dog…it is all viewed as taking over her life.

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My buddy and me~~

Ok, maybe it dates me that I can remember that tune that played out on television…”My buddy, my BUDdy, My buddy and me can climb up a tree, my buddy and me are the best friends we can be~~ My buddy and me”

I wish I could turn the picture for you…but editing isn’t letting me.  Anyway, this is Toodles.  A few posts ago I mentioned that we were considering purchasing a buddy for our son.  I had a cocker spaniel picked out…went to adopt and she was already spoken for that was Saturday.  We looked around at what was avaible.  Saw some really cute dogs, mostly big dogs.  Came across one that was a mix…boxer and mastif mix.  Although I have to say I was seeing English Bulldog on stilts when I saw him.  Went home empty handed.  But coudn’t shake the boxer/mastif mix out of my head.  Did the research on AKC’s site to see what their temperment was and had decided that Monday morning we’d go and adopt him….He had already been adopted.  Again home without a dog but we had seen a weiner dog (forgive me I think of how to spell the proper name tonight).  It’s becoming a habit to be there every day, so I went to see if he was up for adoption yet.  No tag as of yet…but I went to the room down the hall.  There was a smaller room off the back, but locked.  I went up to the front desk to see if these were adoptable animals.  It was the puppy room he called it and tossed me his keys.  My husband brought our son in, with his wheelchair and we went to check out a dog I had seen in the puppy room.  First thing, first…the dog was getting so excited that we were in this little room (there were only 3 dogs and 2 were puppies one was an older one)  I got out the older dog and pet him.  seemed friendly enough, I sat him on my son’s lap in his wheelchair…he was the perfect fit.  He promptly turned to my son and licked his cheek and then snuggled into him.  My son smiled and laughed (in the squeal that he does) and the dog just sat there.  I looked at my husband and asked him what he thought, of course it’s up to you is the answer I got.  It was an older dog, the pound was saying he’s 10 years old.  Being a small dog he could live another 4-5 years.  He’s a miniature schnauzer/yorkie mix…although I question if he really is mixed and if he’s really 10 years old.  He’s been absolutely perfect!  Potty training was instant :) which made things beautiful for us.  Only one accident right after surgery (neutering) when he got home, but nothing since.  He’s a jumper, jumped out of a pen I got for him to sleep in but not the first night.  Took him back downstairs and put up a child proof fence…only for him to jump that too.  So he hopped on the bed and made his bed at the bottom of my son’s feet.  Snuggles with him in the morning, but even today let me know he was awake from a nap.  He travels back and forth with us to my mom’s house and has wormed his way into all our hearts. 
 He’s been a great addition to our family!  I think he knows it too :
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Old school still stings…

I don’t have to tell anyone, I don’t think, about how HOT it’s been this week.  As I said before I’m a facebooker too, and sometimes my saturday posts get away from me, sorry.  Some days blend into the next, but I digress.

My father’s family has all kind of “drifted” apart (not saying that anybody is innocent on reasons why, it’s just drifted apart).  I have tried several times to put out the bridge to those that are willing to talk to me.  Because I was a teenager when the drifting happened.  I’ve sent things to my grandparents telling them of my high school graduation, wedding,  Christmas cards and things through out the years.  Nothing ever came back, not even a card or letter in response.  So I thought ok they don’t want to talk with me.  Then when I had my son, my mom had run into my aunt in the hospital.  There fore what was going on with my son was then told to the extended family…that’s when I got letters and cards.  Interesting really because it’d be almost 20 years at that point.

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Grandma’s House

We’re back at my dear mother-in-law’s house for another week, awaiting the results of her evaluation from a wonderful program that is helping us get a handle on what is affecting her. Things are going much better than our last visit, but still challenging. I spent most of the day yesterday cleaning out her pantry. Several food items had been infested by some kind of weevil or beetle. Some things were just too ancient for words. It was almost as scary what the weevils left alone as what they had gotten into. Then later in the evening we got a tongue-lashing for “ruining her life.” Uh…you’re welcome.

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The ThiRd Rail

I’m still trying to figure out twitter. Can’t decide if it’s really useful for me or not. I’m trying out HootSuite which makes it more accessible, but still kind of overwhelming. Anyway last night as I was scrolling through the most recent tweets two words jumped out at me. Perhaps they would have jumped out at you, too, if like me you are raising a child with special needs and helping take care of an elderly parent.

The tweet said: “I take back that last tweet. It’s insulting to retarded old people with Alzheimer’s. No one should ever be compared to the Mets.”*

I stared at it for a while trying to decide if I needed to reply.

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Love Can Build a Bridge Between Your Heart and Mine

What is it about the wheelchair that attracts people?  Some times it’s the looks but other times there are full blown conversations with people the randomly say things (not all bad!) 

My first outing with my son and his wheelchair was to a restuarant.  I was meeting a friend for breakfast.  We were eating and talking.  My son is quite well behaved if there’s not too many people too many noises he has to try and figure out.  but as we were sitting there….an elderly gentleman was seated near us.  he was more interested in his newspaper than looking at where he was being seated.  Then he SAW us.  He didn’t have to say anything, you could read it in his face.  I just smiled.  what else can you do.  So he sat down and did his thing breakfast & newspaper.  When we left, we had to stop by his table cause the diaper bag was rubbing.  I adjusted and proceeded out.  We stood in the parking lot and talk for a bit.  The gentleman came out…waiving his newspaper at me…”hey, what’s wrong with your boy”.  I said ”nothing”.   ”Why is he in that chair” (hehehe) “Because he has Cerebral Palsy”  his reply “so he can’t do anything?  he won’t be able to wash your car?”  I said “when he’s older, and if he wants to wash my car I will give him a sponge & a bucket and he can have at it”  He wanted to know more…really??

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