I think I even surprised myself with how much hope I had put into this year’s educational plan.
I wanted this to be the year that Parker made up the gap between his age and where he should be academically. Or at least pass off each of his IEP goals.
Things started off in high gear. Parker was making gains at a speed that amazed his weekly home bound preschool teacher. It was looking as though the goals were not only going to be met, but vastly exceeded.
But November came, bringing Parker’s pull-through surgery. And the necessary healing time after.
Then in January Parker was rushed into emergency room with the result being more surgery to remove a bowel adhesion. And we needed more healing time after that.
We worked hard in February. Even during the virus that lingered in Parker’s lungs most of the month.
Alas, March ushered in the reality that with the surgeries and recoveries, not all the goals will be achieved. While Parker has made improvement, the educational outline………well, it carries a lot of unchecked boxes.
And while my head tries to explain that a medically fragile kid is going to progress academically on his own terms, I still can’t help but feel like I’ve failed.
So, tonight I’m wallowing a bit. Wondering if I pck what it takes to bring my child up to where he belongs.
Others tell me to focus on how far Parker’s come. He’s taking four (4!) independent steps. He’s chowing down Cheetos like a pro. He’s learned new signs, figured out the concept of matching objects and colors and shapes.
But the heartache I’m experiencing tonight is stubborn. It’s demanding to be felt. Explored. Respected.
Tomorrow I’ll pick myself up, dust off the discouragement, and with a bit inner tweeking, carry on.
That CARPE DIEM I have emblazed on my heart?
It will shine again.
You can also find Tammy and Parker hanging out at their other blog: Praying For Parker