I looked up the word ‘stymie’ in the dictionary and found the following definition – “a situation or problem presenting such difficulties as to discourage or defeat any attempt to deal with or resolve it.” Even though the blogger that is the subject of today’s interview goes by the similar sounding name of Stimey, I have a feeling that there is nothing that would discourage or defeat her. You be the judge…
Tell me a little about yourself and your family.
My name is Jean, although I blog as Stimey. My family lives in the DC metro area, Maryland version. We’ve lived here for about five years.
My husband and I have been married for nearly ten years and have three kids: Sam (7 y.o.), Jack (5 y.o.), and Quinn (3 y.o.). Jack was diagnosed with PDD-NOS a little less than a year ago, although we spent most of the year prior to his diagnosis exploring his delays.
Tell me more about Jack’s disabilities. Did you know when he was born that he had disabilities. If not, how did you feel when you discovered it?
I did not know when Jack was born that he was autistic. When I initially told my doctor, when he was two, that I thought Jack was delayed, he wasn’t too concerned, although he did refer to me the county, who had provided services for Sam. The county found that Jack had a slight delay, but didn’t qualify for services. At the time, I took that as a good sign.
I started to be more concerned later that year, but we really started looking harder at him when he was three. Around that time, my husband and I were watching a story on the news about teenagers with Asperger’s, and we both looked at each other and said, “That’s Jack.” We finally had him evaluated by doctors at the National Institute of Mental Health, where they told us that he was on the spectrum.
You blog a lot about your son’s issues, and that is so valuable to me and I’m sure, to others that read your blog. How did you go about making the decision to blog about him? What do you personally get out of blogging about him and his issues?
Completely coincidentally, I started blogging at about the same time I started wondering if Jack was autistic. I can’t imagine how my life would have been different if those two things hadn’t coincided. I found some terrific special needs blogs.
How have Jack’s disabilities affected you as a person and as a mother?
Jack’s autism has had a huge effect on me. Seven years ago when Sam was born I was terrified of autism. I had an image in my head of every stereotype you could think of. When Sam was a toddler he often lined up trains and got really upset if they didn’t space themselves correctly. And it scared me to death. I thought of autism as the end of the world.
Obviously I see it differently now. I can’t speak for every parent of an autistic child, but speaking for myself, I have to say that Jack has made me less judgmental, more tolerant, and has opened me up to a whole world I barely knew about before.
What did you do right? What do you wish you had done differently?
What I did right was to accept Jack as autistic and not fight it. I acknowledged that his autism is part of him and always will be part of him. And yes, it will make his life harder. But it also makes him special. And I mean that in a good way.
What I did right was to learn early on that I need to advocate for Jack. It is up to me to help him get what he needs from therapists, from school, from the county. He can’t do it himself, so I have to.
My biggest regret is that I didn’t get him into speech and occupational therapy earlier. After he was turned down for county services, I should have immediately found private providers. But at least he is getting the help that my insurance and I can provide.
What do you want other parents to know?
Trust your instincts. You know your child better than anyone else. If you think there is something going on with him or her, you are probably right. Or if you think he or she is doing better than other people tell you, trust yourself. And try to figure out how to help.
Also, get a support system. Be it a local support group, an online community, or a friend, find people that understand and accept what you are going through.
Be sure to visit Stimey and her lovely family at her blog, Stimeyland!
Deborah can be found writing here at 5MFSN every Sunday and Wednesday, and can also be found at Pipecleaner Dreams.