Do You Wonder What Life Would Be… — 5 Minutes for Special Needs

Do You Wonder What Life Would Be…

by Gina


When you watch other children, the same age as yours…when you watch other children in the movies, through the streets, wherever you might be, do you ponder? Do you compare?

Do you wonder what life would be if only things were just a little different? Do you wonder what your largest struggles could be? Stop for a moment and consider…what do you really think would be your biggest worry, your stressor that runs with you, haunting your days…haunting your nights?

Children Playing

Children Playing by Rakka via Flickr

Do you yearn for the day your little one will run the streets in a group of friends up to what kids should be up to, just before crossing the line of no good? Do you wish gatherings were possible, carefree laughter escaping you while you banter with other adults, watching your children run and play, creating the memories of childhood?

Do you stop in the midst of a nights dinner, note how your assisting with feeding, redirection, shifting seating arrangements, removing items that appeal to the instant of lack of impulse control, awaiting what will trigger the next meltdown…the next rage? Is a movie playing? Are the lights off? Is everything in its proper place – as expected? Are there a variety of meals to satisfy needs and allergies?

Do you drift…what if it were not that way? Do you try to bend your mind to picture how that would be? Or are you beyond that? Are you so far into the life of special needs that those possibilities no longer enter your mind? Or, every once in a while, when the stress of the fight gets too great, overwhelming, drowning you, eliciting your cycle of grief or leaving you looking for light….do you picture what you thought would be?

Or do you see…that things are exactly how they’re supposed to be?

Email Author    |    Website About Gina

Gina St. Aubin is a mother of 3, one diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy, PDD-NOS, Sensory Processing Disorder, and Landau-Kleffner Syndrome (a rare epileptic disorder causing verbal aphasia) . A former Victim's Advocate turned advocate for those with intellectual and physical challenges, Gina believes being a 'Special Parent' means to discover, embrace, educate, advocate, encourage, treasure and laugh.

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1 liz November 18, 2011 at 3:28 pm

EVERY husband and I throw that out there…what if??? I try to look at it from a selfless point of view. For me, yes, maybe at times it is as it is supposed to be….ADHD and it’s gifts it also brings…I however do not think my DD that he is so aggressive towards or has no choice but to come along for “the ride” would agree.. or would my son himself agree….
to see him struggle despite the balancing act you so incredibly were able to describe at any given moment in my home….I wonder if he would not give anything to just be “typical” if he knew that word…I think of this often since seeing a posting from a young adult who had/has ADHD and she said she hated seeing posts or books that wanted you to see the “gift in ADHD”..she said she would have given her left arm to be like the other kids and not feel so out of control all the time….She did not see the “gift”

So it is a question I often ask myself…what if?…I can take it…just hope my son will survive it….I think he has the best chance possible:)

2 Judy November 18, 2011 at 3:49 pm

My son is 21. He was 20 before he had his first friend. They rode the bus together. He would call me from the bus and ask if he could go over to his friend’s house to play wii. I cried the first time. They enjoy playing wii together. Of course, at our house he has a 1/2 hour privilege of computers each day. When he plays with his friend his experience is unlimited. That might have something to do with his desires, who knows.

Now I wonder if he’ll every be able to walk to his friend’s house alone, four blocks away, play games and come home. I doubt he’ll ever be able to cross the streets. He’ll be 50 and I’ll have to drive him to neighbors house, yell at him to look both ways, continuously while in the street.

The thoughts don’t go away. As you get older, you just realize, sadly, that it probably won’t happen. Maybe when he’s 30? Really? Who knows.

3 Lee November 18, 2011 at 9:48 pm

I sometimes do wonder what life would be like if our 10yo ds could be made NeuroTypical. No meds 3x daily, no mega-tantrums, IEPs, bi-weekly therapies, Specialists…. When we are together as a family, with our other 2 kids it all seems ‘normal’ and we really don’t give a second thought. This is our dynamic.

All my neighbors have NT kids, and in some ways their lives seem more hectic than mine. The kids are in multiple sports and taking music lessons, which is great. But thru my ds, I have met the most amazing and kindest people. People that I most likely would never would have met otherwise. He loves me unconditionly and is my bud, that I would trade for anything!

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