Zoe’s little girl hands are petite, and although her body is ever challenged to maintain her balance with any forward movement- Zoe’s hugs are big and strong. Bigger than her size and stronger than her muscles, her hugs are magical and healing. She offers her affection intuitively, seeking out those she loves and those who are in need. And when she is tired or sick, she sticks to my side, offering and receiving extra affection- as if she understands their power and hopes these hugs will heal her too.
Her affection soothes me in times of hurt. Sometimes it has been my tears compelling her, and other times just a coincidence of good timing. Her touch is a simple comfort.
These simple comforts are a necessity to my surviving each day- they power me through. My husbands arms gathering me in, his unexpected call in the middle of the day, something rare that I cherish, a friend allowing me to fall completely out of touch- and then suddenly be needy for her friendship, a moment to sit down with a cup of hot tea, my older daughters companionship, laughter and conversation..all blessings in the simplicity of every day.
Since the start of the new year, I have been challenging myself to live a better life. Streamlining my priorities, living more purposefully, performing more productively, being a better parent, a better partner, preserving my own good health. In small ways, invisible to others- I am starting to see small symbols of my accomplishments, my progress and I am encouraged. But because of the focus these goals require, I am pushing myself and dependent on these simple everyday comforts to get me through.
The recent tragedy in Tucson has been all over the AZ news, and on my mind. There have been more tragedies touching friends of mine too- more lives cut short by mental illness, chronic illness, cancer, small children that have died from the same disorder that shapes our lives-and when I hear of all of these instances-I cling to my own priorities, family life, my purpose and goals and the simple comforts.
And although I am upbeat with the progress I am making – focusing on my own family and priorities- Like many other special needs parents, I am failing too and feeling guilty about the extended family and friendships that I don’t have the time to maintain properly. Time spent on strategies, health issues, doctors appointments, adaptions and such. The guilt is always there. The decision I make to follow certain priorities, missing out on the opportunities to have more family, more friends in my life- luxuries that time and circumstances do not allow.
So I cling to my own simple comforts, I think of those recent tragedies- far and near, and I believe that I am doing it right. I hope that I am doing it right , and I know for sure that I am doing the best that I can.