One day before the Loma Prieta Earthquake of 1989 shook the San Francisco Bay Area, I took my three- year-old son Matthew for testing. He had stopped talking, and I was anxious to get him back on track. In the 17 years that followed, there were many more tests, a diagnosis of autism, a frantic search for a cure — and two more sons. The day I learned that my second son was admitted to Yale was also the day Matthew was to take a test to prove he was disabled enough to receive social security income benefits.
“I’m not taking a test because I’m autistic,” said Matthew defiantly. “Of course not”, I lied with a heavy heart. “Everyone gets tested when they are your age.” I had always dismissed his low IQ, and referred to him as high functioning – just didn’t test well. But with time came acceptance-he was not one of the “brilliant” ones with autism- one who could make a decent living and be independent.
Matthew took a seat while I filled out a form with the sobering questions I had answered so many times before. Disability that prevents you from working? Autism and… retardation. Or should I say ‘developmentally disabled’? Did you drive yourself here or come with a friend?
“Came with his mother.”
Moments later, a stern woman in her sixties with short gray hair and black framed glasses invited Matthew and me into her office. She peered at us from behind her desk while she studied the form. “I have a neighbor that struggles the way you do.” she said to Matthew, who looked hurt. “How do I struggle?” he asked.
While she performed the test, I walked back to the waiting room where I met the proud, anxious eyes of two people-each desperate to tell their story. The woman said she hated being here-she loved her job but was paralyzed by anxiety and depression. The man had to leave his teaching job while he struggled with epilepsy. What was I in for? I’m here with my son, I told them, and as if on cue, Matthew burst back into the waiting room, jumping, smiling, hands flapping-a breath of fresh air—disabled enough.
Laura is the author of A Regular Guy: Growing Up With Autism. She writes every Thursday for 5MFSN. She’s the mother of three sons and is learning how to use Twitter! See how she’s doing at twitter.com/RGmom