At the very moment I write this, I have a headache. I’m not sure I ever really felt it coming, so much as finally acknowledged that it’s here. I recognized it. Acknowledged it. I blurted out to C, “I have a headache”. I just took some Tylenol. Then it occurred to me just how easy this minor inconvenience (aka pain that’s now taken over my every thought) has been for me to handle. How easy it is for me to communicate this and take care of it….and I thought about how very difficult this is for many of our kiddos.
I go back to J’s wedding adventure. He never said a word. Never made a motion towards his stomach. He never asked to sit down, just shakily kneeled to the ground to watch his videos at eye level on a table. Not unusual for him. Shakiness can be attributed to meds, cerebral palsy, lack of sleep or a combination of all three.
The change within him, his exaggerated fumbles to gain a glass of water is what I had to notice. The way in which he moved his lips. The sheer slowness of his movements, how his face, previously bright and full of shine and excitement, became ashen. I had to help him up, let him know what was happening to him, “You look like you’re going to be sick. We need to go to the bathroom”, and lead him away for privacy.
If I wasn’t there, standing with him, assisting him with his sensory needs, his video watching, ensuring that this all didn’t finally become too much for him…how very differently that evening could have turned out.
I wish our kiddos could communicate with us. I wish they could tell us when the simplest of things is effecting them. When they fall hard enough to cause a bruise, are disturbed by bright lights, someone said something nasty or intensely beautiful to them. I wish so much they had the power of their own voice to tell us these simple things, but many times they do not…such is the nature of J’s autism, his epilepsy…a double whammy on language for him.
Though I digress, my original thought is…how do other parents recognize these things in their children? Do you have to measure their every movement, foresee each obstacle, note their surroundings and the wellness of others, their symptoms…making mental notes of all that ails every one else in order to recognize this in your child? Do they have a way of telling you? A motion or a behavior that’s consistent only with an illness, etc? What do you do?
