Thing # 1,387,902 I have to do for my son


Ok, not really—it only feels that way.

I went to visit Max’s school on Friday to discuss his Dynavox with his speech therapist. My husband and I find it really hard to navigate, and Max isn’t so hot to use it on weekends, either. (At school, he does fine navigating the “classroom” category.)

We’re going to totally rejigger the system. First, I have to come up with a new framework—new categories, like eating, playing, places to go—then words to go within those categories.

It’s something I really need to do. On top of all those other things I need to do or could be doing for Max. The ones that are always in the back of my head, goading me: “YOU NEED TO DO THIS FOR HIM! YOU NEED TO DO THIS FOR HIM! NOW! NOW! NOW!”

Sometimes, all the things the teachers and therapists ask me to do weigh heavily on my shoulders. Not because they’re a burden, but because I feel guilty when I don’t get to them all, or I just don’t get to them, period. I don’t feel this way about stuff on my list for my typically-developing child. But with Max, I feel it’s up to me to get them done. Because I want him to thrive, and he needs my help. He really, really needs my help.

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