Top Ten Things I’ve Learned About Reflux…


10. Pediatricians often say that babies with reflux will “grow out of it” by age one. They’re lying. The pukes just get bigger and more colorful.

9. Parents who talk about how their baby “throws up all the time” really have no clue. If the clean-up process doesn’t involve a shower, at least two changes of clothes, a steam-cleaner and/or a mop then it really doesn’t qualify as “throwing up”.

8. It is entirely possible to both generate and process 12 loads of laundry in a single day.

7. Wall-to-wall linoleum, a floor drain and a hose reel are perfectly sensible design elements for a home.

6. It is entirely possible for a child with reflux to plaster himself, you, his sibling, the inside of your purse and the cat with one puke.

5. The event listed above will ALWAYS happen when you are on your way out the door and already five minutes late.

4. Airplane barf bags are entirely too small to be of any use.

3. HAZMAT procedures aren’t just for businesses and professionals — refluxer parents never leave home without them.

2. A refluxer’s well-packed diaper bag includes: Several large plastic bags, a large towel, at least three changes of clothes for the kiddo, an extra T-shirt for each parent, and a travel-sized can of Lysol.

1. As a parent of two refluxers, I am capable of indulging in any manner of nonsense in what is generally a futile attempt to distract my child from puking — Including but not limited to pig-snorting the notes to Beethoven’s 5th.


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