Stuff I can’t believe I’ve said to doctors


“OK, I know he’s got microcephaly, but don’t you think all that hair hides it well?”

“I’m sorry, I’m not convinced you know what you are talking about.”

“The other day he grabbed one of my nipples while he was breastfeeding, I thought it was a good sign he’s going to be able to use his hands, what do you think?!”

“I’m telling you, the drooling is reaching tsunami levels.”

“I’m getting a little tired of taking him to all the therapies, if you really want to know the truth. There. Now I’m Bad Mommy of the Year.”

“I get that he’s not doing what you want him to do at this very second but he’s a kid, not a robot.”

“Is his penis going to work OK?”

“Yeah, he has a bit of an orange tint, it’s all the sweet potatoes. He loves them. Britney Spears looks like that sometimes, too. Ha ha ha!”

“Is his head going to look totally abnormal from the microcephaly? I keep picturing that character with the shrunken head at the end of Beetlejuice.”

Ellen blogs daily at To The Max

Top photo, Antimc

10 Responses to Stuff I can’t believe I’ve said to doctors