I’m getting ready to take a trip. Before you start dreaming of vacations in far off sunny places, it’s not that. It’s an overnight trip, rushing a visit that would be unthinkable not to take, to pay respects.
Yet, as I ready for this, ready for the week, looking forward in our family calendar to the events at schools, for meetings to prepare for, therapies needed, measuring the “To Do” list, I’m overcome. Not overwhelmed, but overcome with panic. Not deep, but panic that stirs me into action…what if something happened?
The question most of us think of fleetingly as we grow older and our children’s needs become crystal. We think, “I may have time for this; I’ll be sure to set that in place…but I have years before I really have to worry. I’ll have to start that work out routine because it’s quite clear that I have to ‘be here’ as long as possible to give him the best chances.” But the moment passes, we continue our errands, make our phone calls, wash our dishes and add to the To Do list.
Though now I find myself taking a lone flight for barely over a 24 hour visit, making my return to kiddos who aren’t used to me being gone…and I think, “What if something happens to me?” How do I tell my husband where everything is, how the bills are paid, who the service providers are and what their roles are, where we are in our Medicaid process, where to find medical information, addresses, everything….” I don’t have this thought for any particular reason other than I’ll be away from the kids. Irrational yes. But there it is.
The somewhat irrational thought of his having to comfort our children and figure out ‘my end’ of what our life is…not to mention the unthinkable reason why this would be happening.
So, I’m writing him a list. Passwords, where things are located, billing, what to look for, how to manage. That, it seems, is the only thing I can really do…you know….just in case.
Have been in a similar position? What did you do? What would you do?
