It’s not just about your kids.

It’s hard enough to remember to eat and shower, let alone remember to call that friend or have enough mental space to grieve our own losses on top of all the ways we care for our kids. But if we don’t, our families suffer. And our kids never learn how to deal with stress well. Today’s post comes from my own journey to make space for thinking and feeling this week.


She lost her fight with brain cancer on Saturday. The aunt I knew better than all my others. The one whose home means Thanksgiving and Christmas to me. Whose spunk and no-nonsense attitude helped me feel okay, even if I wasn’t.

Her wisdom got me through my first year of teaching. She made me laugh when I wanted to cry about my worst students. And when I wanted to bury my head under a pillow as a new parent, she’d pipe up with lines like “Well, I bet you’re glad you wanted to be a mom so bad!” Everyone else risked getting punched for stuff like that.

Missing her would be hard enough on its own without having to push and shove life out of the way to make space for this grief. That kind of mental space is hard to come by. But we all need it to cope well with life – to handle the it’s ups and downs with grace, to process change and make good decisions.

This month in Newsweek, Sharon Begley reported Temple University’s finding that the thinking, deciding part of our brains actually shuts off when we take in too much information at once and try to act on it all. We need to have some mental space.

Here are some ways to create mental space in our information-overloaded, high-intensity world, so we can cope better when life happens.

Empty your brain. You can only interact with about 7 ideas at once – the rest go by the wayside. Unless you have a regular place to unload your thoughts. So jot them down on Macbook Stickies, a text file, notes on your smart phone, Evernote, or plain-old pen and paper. Programs like Evernote allow tagging of each note you write so you can find it again when you want it. And voice-to-text apps allow you to do this on the go.

Be quiet. Find a place to sit still and do nothing. It doesn’t have to be long – 10 minutes can do the trick. Just give yourself the regular gift of time to sit, with life unplugged, and preferably no lights or sounds… and listen to the quiet. I do this in my car because it’s really really quiet there when it’s parked!

Doodle. Begley’s article reminds us that our subconscious mind is where the creativity resides. Creativity doesn’t wear us out like over-thinking things does. Doodling gives our conscious mind something to do while our subconscious casually works through things we’re thinking about.

Pause before deciding. Information and scheduling overload creates mental paralysis. Begley described it this way: “The science of decision making has shown that more information can lead to objectively poorer choices, and to choices that people come to regret.” So plan time throughout the decision making process to shut off all input and give your mind space to mull it over in it’s own creative way.

Get enough rest. A tired brain is a brain that wastes the space it has just trying to stay awake. A little extra sleep at night or a short nap during the day will get what you’re doing done better, and more efficiently. This is especially important when we’re processing tough things like grief and loss.

Exercise. Exercise releases endorphins that improve mood and relieve stress so you can think better. It makes the brain more efficient so you can do more with the mental space you’ve already got. So go for a walk or take the stairs at work periodically to give your mind a boost and help you cope better with life’s challenges.

Listen to music. A recent study revealed that when you listen to songs you like, it elevates mood and helps everything seem more optimistic and positive. It also serves to distract your conscious brain and allow your powerful subconscious to get in on the mental action, giving you a sense of mental space again.

Pray. All the best-intended strategies in the world will fail us if we go at it with our understanding alone. God can do “exceedingly, abundantly, above all that we ask or think,” so trust Him to keep His word and talk with Him about what’s on your mind.

What helps you to have more mental space to process life? Share your ideas!

If this post resonated with you and you want help cultivating more mental space and coping better in life, check out my coaching page or send me an email at [email protected].

Be blessed!

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