Moms of kids with special needs ( or special powers as Love that Max Mom, Ellen says) aren’t that different than other moms. One minute our kids are laughing, smiling , feeling good, and we feel like rock stars.. and the next minute well .. we wonder what the plan was giving us more than we can handle, because we just suck at this “ special” mothering thing.
Like other moms, I bounce back and forth- feeling like I am ahead of it sometimes.. ( meaning not overdue with doctors appointments, medicine pick ups, homework or library books..) and then, totally feel like last on the list when my kids are hurting, unhappy or have some type of problem I just can’t fix.
A few weeks ago, I learned an important lesson about asking for help and the power of promise and hope. Facing the facts, that sometimes we can’t do everything we want for our kids to make them happy. That others can make a difference in their life , like we never imagined.
Over this last week, Zoe has been at the finish of two weeks of nighttime stomach pain that just wouldn’t stop. Four doctor visits later, a couple different approaches with medicine, and we seem to be past the rough patch. The worst part of it being, there wasn’t much I could do to make the hurt go away. Cool water, tickling her back, holding her close in the dark… It reminded me of the “ colic” she had as a baby, before her diagnosis. Except now, she can talk and tell me every time it hurts, and as much as I love to hear her voice, her words made me ache with worry.
Meanwhile.. big sister O had the fun of an Easer break overnight sleepover. How happy I was for her.. she did great, had fun and enjoyed her good friend with typical tween BFF fun.She came home smiling, happy and.. soon began puking. Nobody’s fault, she ate okay, she slept okay.. she was well taken care of and had a blast. She just super stressed her typical looking body born with a metabolic disorder. The physical stress took it’s toll, and hung out for a while.
So in typical Mom fashion, to fix what I could fix- I put two new projects on my list.
Zoe recently got a new walker, and like the old- she can dance, run and spin in it.. navigating the house independently. In the new walker however, she can sit, take a break and save some energy. The pull down seat is hard, and the new walker design needed some extra padding. Padding that would hold up to cleaning, wear and tear. So with some pink fabric, a needle and thread, pipe insulation material and pink Hello Kitty duck tape.. 
I fixed what I could fix- and delighted my girl with more pink colored custom adaptions that make life easier.
O’s bedroom was long overdue for a makeover.. and she didn’t just select any color paint.. not my girl who struggles with anxiety, yet faces social situations with a persistent smile. She selected an aqua mermaid colored paint, declaring it’s bright color made her happy, as she hugged the gallon of paint in her lap on the way home from the store.
So in the course of the last week.. I struggled, I worried, I nursed tummy aches in the dark of each night, willing my hands to soothe away Zoe’s pain and in the light of day, I stitched and stuffed pink fabric, strapping pink Hello Kitty tape around her little girl walker, fixing what I could fix, giving her what freedom I could- to make fun, to move further and faster on her own.
I wiped away big girl tired tears laying in bed next to O at night, made special meals to calm her stomach each day. Fixing what I could fix, I swept my paintbrush across her bedroom walls, covering the nothingness of dull pale pink, with cheerful and calming , bright aqua blue, her “happy color” she calls it. Her walls will be complete , adorned with peace signs and the word art promising peace-love- happiness. My mother’s heart can’t help but hope these promises deliver.
And with the busy moving hands of a mother, I have fixed all that I can fix.