As I write this, Matthew is lying in his bed in his room leaving Sarah a message.
“Hi, this is Matthew calling. I don’t have any plans tonight so I thought we could hang out. When you get this message I’ll call you back.”
I don’t know much about Sarah, except that Matthew met her a during his summer break a few years ago when she volunteered at “Reachin’ Out”, a church sponsored event for developmentally disabled teens and young adults. Sarah was kind to Matthew, and naively gave him her phone number when he asked for it. Matthew called her over and over in the weeks that followed the event, and her father, another kind soul, called my husband and said, “I know it must be a difficult situation over there, but could you get your son to stop calling my daughter?”
When my husband relayed the message to Matthew, he looked mortified and was so hurt.
“I can’t call her at all?” he said, “but I like her so much.”
We told him that it would be better not to call her at all for a while, thinking wishfully that he’d he might stop altogether. But over the course of the next few years, Matthew kept calling Sarah and leaving her messages. One time I left her a message myself.
“I know Matthew calls you too much. Please let me know if it’s a problem.”
I wonder what I would have done-what my parents would have done-if a young man with a disability called me over and over again when I was a teenager, years before caller ID was invented.
I think my dad would have stopped by to visit the young man and his parents. He’d hand the parents a bottle of wine and the boy a baseball card, some cool stamps or some silly putty. Then he’d tell him what a terrific guy he was, thank you for letting me visit and oh by the way, it would be better if you didn’t call for a while. Nothing personal, he’d have said with a wink, we just like to keep the line free in case Publishing Clearing House calls.
But today I am grateful to all who have been kind to Matthew, and who have been patient with him.
Like Sarah.
Laura
Laura Shumaker is the author of A REGULAR GUY: GROWING UP WITH AUTISM
and a contributor to A CUP OF COMFORT FOR PARENTS OF CHILDREN WITH SPECIAL NEEDS.
She writes each Friday for 5 MINUTES FOR SPECIAL NEEDS.