I Went to the Dark Side… — 5 Minutes for Special Needs

I Went to the Dark Side…

by Heather P


I did it.

I went to the Dark Side.

All this time, I’ve been super vocal about the difference between being an advocate and being a…. well, you know.

Yesterday, all that changed.

(To read the whole drama, go here)

I felt bad about it all day. I felt like I had worked so hard to be well-educated (hello, Master’s Degree in Nursing anyone?) and professional, as well as always prepared and level-headed, when I spoke with Jack’s physicians. When I saw the pain and fear in my son’s eyes, and no one was doing anything about that little fact, I lost my religion and my mind in one fell swoop. It was like my evil twin took over my body and had her way with it.

(Really, the doctor looked at me like “what on earth is she doing?”)

So, my friends….have you ever lost  it on your child’s doctor? Can we just laugh about it and move on? (Please….) 🙂

Email Author    |    Website About Heather P

Heather is a mom of two, wife, and nurse educator doing what she can to save the day! She lives in Orlando where she is routinely spotted driving while singing ABBA--all on a mission to advocate and educate!

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1 Cheryl L. September 23, 2011 at 3:19 pm

Wow, just wow. I have had a moment like that. My baby was in the hospital for heart surgery at 8 months old. The young doctor ( cardiac fellow) was trying to put in an IV and he was just not getting her vein. He kept moving it and moving it. I was calm at first, but watching her cry and try to pull her arm away was getting me. I said “do you have a phlebotomy specialist to do this”. He says “mom, we are the ones that to this all the time”. He made one more false move and it took every single fiber in my being to not slap him in the forehead! I am not sure what I said. In my head it sounded like “back away from my kid you filth flarn flarn filth butcher”. My husband swears I said “please stop”. I really don’t believe him though.

2 Heather P September 23, 2011 at 3:21 pm

I told my husband after we left. My daughter also told my husband (verbatim, I might add). I swear something took hold of my body and turned me in to a savage beast! LOL

3 Jo September 23, 2011 at 5:00 pm

You were protecting your sweet boy who you know better than anyone.
I have lost it it with one of my son’s doctors. The last appointment with him was the most unprofessional one I have ever encountered.
He has done very little to help us and I will tell him so when the time is right.
For what is worth I have lost it with several of is therapist as well. We have had little help and support from most of them.
I hope Jack is feeling better. I hope you are ok to.

4 Heather P September 24, 2011 at 1:26 pm

Thanks Jo…He’s better. Still complaining of it hurting, but better. I’m better too. I think sometimes we are given these HUGE signs to show us that it’s time to move on to greener (or just different) pastures. Hugs

5 Jo September 29, 2011 at 3:42 pm

For whatit is worthHeather. I have wrestled with this for the past few weeks.
Professionals who have been put into ourlives and decided they know better. yesterday I very much went to the dark side with the dietican who was happy my little boy licked a piece of sausage.. She has never met my son.It is a very long story.
Today I met with those that have known him, worked to help him develop and thrive. We talked. Most of all they listened. It was hard for various reasons. Yet on the drive home I came out of the dark side. I realized what Ineeded to do and did it.
I think sometimes we are just driven to that dark side.
The experts don’t know it all and shouldn’t profess to.
I hope you and Jack are better. Most of all I hope you are able to find those that can help because they want to.

6 KDL September 23, 2011 at 11:48 pm

We are all entitled to moments of raw instinct. I don’t care what title the person has if they’re doing something that seems harmful to your kid you have a right to get irate at them. I hope a long term solution to this issue will be forthcoming soon.

7 Heather P September 24, 2011 at 1:27 pm

I have to agree with the long term solution…we sure do need one! Thanks!

8 TammieMP September 25, 2011 at 8:36 am

I’ve been there too. It’s fine, you know we take care of our kids for a lot longer than they do, they need to understand that we know our kids. They may know the science, but we know our kids.

I blew up at a doctor too once, and probably thought it about it a little more than once. Our doc was wanting another brace for my son, he already had night & day splints for his arms, DAFO’s for his legs & ankles, at the time, school wanted the neck brace to keep his head up, and now the doc wanted a swash brace (goes around the waiste and cuffs connected to metal poles from the waiste to the cuffs on the thighs) at this point the only thing that wasn’t covered was his trunk…oh I let her have it. Not sure how she wanted us to be able to move him from place to place or at all with his new bionic self 🙁

Hang in there! You didn’t do anything wrong. Next visit it’ll be dirt under the rug. Don’t feel bad about it, he should have listened to you!

9 Heather P September 25, 2011 at 9:29 am

Thanks Tammie…Good Night! That seems like a hecka ‘lotta braces! At least I’m in good company…and let’s hope it really is dirt under the rug! LOL

10 Cheryl September 25, 2011 at 10:35 pm

*raises hand…* Guilty as charged. Although… It was only a med student. I had brought Jillian in for a routine checkup. Probably a year ago? Since we visit a teaching hospital, there are always residents and students milling about. The usual protocol is the student comes in, takes history, goes and gets Tony. Easy, right? Well, this guy was rude and impatient. Finally I started to get snippy back at them. To conclude his “exam” he said “she shouldn’t watch TV all day, never let her watch R rated shows and brush her teeth” SERIOUSLY? I am not a first time parent and even if I were, that’s common sense. So, I ripped him a new asshole…
He left to get Tony. Tony came in minus student. (usually they both come in) I asked where the student was and he said I scared the student away. Whoops.

11 Heather P September 26, 2011 at 2:36 pm

atta girl!!!! 😉 I’d be really upset too! Med students make me stabby to begin with. Especially since I’m a nurse, and med students aren’t even required to do patient care prior to their intern/residency. So they really don’t know what they are doing to begin with.

12 Angela October 16, 2011 at 8:21 pm

I have gone to the dark side a few times throughout my oldest son’s life. The first time was after hip surgery. He was out of the cast but still in alot of pain. When I asked the doc what she could do to help him she looked at me and said she had no idea! What kind of doc says that? She could have at least recommended another doc. The hip surgery had been compicated and didn’t go well so I that was pretty much the thing that pushed me over the edge. I remember telling her that was the wrong answer and I told the other doc to get her out of my face before I kill her. I did get another doc out of that visit and the new doc was a great help! I felt bad for going off on the doc but I felt worse for ever trusting her with my son’s well being!

13 Heather P October 17, 2011 at 9:00 am

I felt bad for a hot second afterwards, but then I felt like you…I had to do what was best for him! UGH. I wish it wasn’t so hard to get good care, ya know?

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