Try This Tuesday #43: How to address lying – by adults???

Try This Tuesday

Welcome to this week’s Try This Tuesday. For details on how to participate, please check out the welcome post.

I actually have a couple of related situations that I would like some input on from other parents. It appears that twice in the last month my son has been told an untruth by the adult in charge of him in an effort to make him comply with their requests. (These are still unverified, but I need to decide what direction to go.)

Situation #1: On the Van
The first one was on the van which takes him from school to his after-school social skills program. The transportation is arranged by the program, and both the program and the van are funded through Medical Assistance.

According to my son, the driver told him one day when he wasn’t behaving that she had called me and I had said he’d better behave. He said that he was also told he wouldn’t be able to go to the program anymore if he didn’t behave.

Situation #2: At School
The second one is related to a teacher who had given the class an activity to do. The teacher reported to me that he said that he couldn’t do it and refused to try (the task is challenging for him). After reviewing the school rules with him, she told him he would get a “pink slip” if he didn’t join in. He did eventually try the activity for the last few minutes.

It was suggested to me by one member of the IEP team last week that the teacher may have threatened a higher-level consequence just to get him to participate.

What Would You Do?
Firstly, I am debating how far to pursue either of these:

  • He will only be riding the van for another three weeks, but this company gets many of the contracts, so he’ll probably have them again later this summer. However, I did tell him that I hadn’t talked to her, and he doesn’t believe me.
  • For the school incident, I responded in the meeting that the teacher’s actions were not acceptable if that was the case. I’m not sure I should follow up on what was speculation on the part of the other staff member. I did discuss with them his difficulty in performing some tasks and the need for the teacher (whom he will have for the next five years) to know how to handle this type of situation.

Secondly, there is the question of how to address this with my son. How do I explain to him why an adult would lie like this and that it is not okay, but that he still needs to follow their directions when they are in charge? And while keeping in mind that anything I say can, and probably will, be repeated to said adult.

While these initially felt like minor instances compared to the issues I have been dealing with over finalizing next year’s IEP, they actually are a big deal to my son and his understanding of how the world works and how people act. So I appreciate any input on either question of what to do!

Please join in and share the creative solutions YOU have found to your own challenges, or feel free to post your own challenge for input from others.

As the host of Try This Tuesday, Trish shares some of the solutions she has found to make life easier and invites you to do the same. You can also find her blogging at Another Piece of the Puzzle and Autism Interrupted.

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