Is it wrong to not hope for the miracle?

As you read this, I am in Raleigh, North Carolina with Max and my husband; tomorrow, we are going to Duke University to get Max a stem cell infusion, using the cord blood we banked after his birth.

You’ve probably heard about stem cell therapy. It’s still considered experimental, but there’s no evident potential harm. There is a chance it might be able to mitigate the symptoms of Max’s cerebral palsy—maybe his arms will be less stiff, maybe he’ll have less trouble articulating words, maybe his cognition will be improved. Nobody can say for sure whether this will help him, or whether it won’t do a thing. It’s a crap shoot.

Friends, family and coworkers kept asking me if I was excited. “Yes,” I told them, although the truth is far more complicated. Because while I am excited, I am doing my best to restrain my hopes. I don’t want to get all hyped up, only to be disappointed. 

Some of you may think that in not having great expectations, I am doing my son a disservice. That is hardly the case. I cheer Max on, I coax him, I give him every opportunity to succeed in this world. But I do not get my hopes up too high; it’s a coping mechanism I have developed over the years to prevent my spirit, and heart, from getting crushed. What good will it do Max if I get deflated by progress he did not make?

That said, I will welcome any good thoughts you might have for this treatment to be effective….

Ellen blogs daily at To The Max



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