I’ve had many difficult decisions to make in my life, but the two most absolute heartwrenching ones were my decision to divorce my abusive husband, and my decision to place my daughter, Jessica, in a group home.
I now know that my divorce was in everyone’s best interest although it’s hard to see that when you are in the middle of breaking a family apart. But, I have come to terms with that. The decision I have not come to terms with is the group home decision.
I adopted Jessica when she was 9 years old. Although I told social services that I didn’t feel equipped to parent a child with significant emotional problems, they misrepresented her to me so that I would make the choice to adopt. It soon became clear that Jessica’s outbursts of rage and aggression were breaking my family apart every bit as much as my divorce did. But I was determined to make things better.
Sadly, I couldn’t.
Jessica seriously injured several people, me included. After five years in our family home, I had to make the decision to move her to a group home, a place where her behaviors could be monitored and addressed constantly.
She’s been there now for four years. There have been good times and bad. We’ve stayed close as a family with daily phone calls and visits almost every other week. But home is now her group home. She is a visitor once again in our family home.
I wish I could say that I had come to terms with my decision to move Jessica to a group home like I did with my decision to divorce. But, I haven’t. I still wonder if I did the right thing – if this was in Jessica’s best interest and the best interest of the rest of my children.
I wonder if I will ever know the answer to that…
Deborah can be found writing here at 5MFSN every Wednesday, and can also be found at Pipecleaner Dreams.