My List

I make lists. Lots of them. Especially for Parker. These lists include:

  • A list of medications.
  • A list of when to give said medications.
  • A list of previous surgeries.
  • A list of doctors and their info.
  • A list of therapies to work on.
  • A list of pre-school units to complete.
  • A list of up and coming doctor appointments.
  • A list of medical bills yet to be paid.

You get the idea.

But today I was listening to a Toby Keith song. (Yeah. I listen to country. Get over it.) In this song he lists all of the things he needs to get done that day. And then he realizes that on this list are none of the really, really important things.

You know, like telling your spouse how much you love them. Spending quality time with your kids. Taking the opportunity to enjoy the beauty of what is around you. Using a moment to be thankful for your blessings.

Parents of kids with medical issues or other types of special needs are pretty much the last people to put themselves first.

I know I’ve allowed myself to fall apart while trying to hold it all together for the greater cause.

And it ain’t been pretty.

Oh, I’ve lost some weight. And regained (kinda) my natural hair color.

But I still find myself shying away from mirrors in the attempt to avoid my reflection. And it is not just about looks. It is also about my countenance. I’m waiting and working towards the day when I can again catch a glimpse of myself and feel good about what I see.

I want what is in the mirror to reflect confidence, earned from experience and the sheer determination to get up again no matter how many times I’ve been knocked down.

I want what is in the mirror to reflect the wisdom of the woman I have become and the faith that I have clung to these last few years. A woman who radiates a happy heart.

I want what I see in the mirror to be the reflection of what still curls my husbands toes even after 22 years of marriage.

I want to be someone my daughters will grow into with pride, cause they are a lot like me.

I’ll get there. Each day I put in a little more work and effort towards these goals. There are a few wrinkles here and there and places where the shine has worn off a bit that I’ can’t do much about. And I’m not sure I would if I could. They speak of character and of a life well lived.

But the things I can change, I want to.

Looks like I’m gonna need a new list.

You can also find Parker and Tammy hanging out at their other blog: Praying For Parker

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