Break on Through, To the Other Side

Lately, as much as I love this writing gig, I’m lost as to what to write about. I set about asking my wonderful facebook friends what they thought I should write about. Thankfully, 2 of my friends came to my rescue. (Do you have anything you’d like me to post about?! Let me know!) So, now I have a post idea for this week and also for next week, go me!

From my friend Zoe:

I want to know about the moment a special needs child breaks through to a new level of development from the perspective of their mother. What feelings come up at that moment? How does it effect your general perspective?

This sparked a lot of thought within me. How DO *I* feel when Jillian masters something new? I know when Jillian started speaking, a lot of skeptics said “I don’t think she talks that much…I need proof” Obviously in my mind, I really didn’t need to prove anything. I’m not saying that I need to be believed all the time, however, I don’t lie, so, why prove myself? I do understand some things though. I know that in this world of the internet, there are a lot of liars out there, as well as in real life.

Lately, Jillian has been taking steps. Mostly at physiotherapy. A little bit at home as well. There is a HUGE part of me that wants to scream from the rooftops- LOOK! JILLIAN IS WALKING!!! Do you see that?!?! And then there is a little piece of me that wants to keep it to myself. I’m brimming with pride, for BOTH of my children, but I want to hold this feeling in, and not share it. (Perhaps this is only child syndrome kicking in… I don’t share well) I also feel overwhelmed. I know that Jillian is doing the hard work, but, I have fought for everything so far for her, SHE is putting in the muscle work, but I’m her biggest cheerleader and to see her succeed at something we’ve been hoping for, for SO long is quite overwhelming. I don’t think I’ve ever had any “sadness” after Jillian has started to master something new. I have felt sadness when she realizes she can’t do something and I can’t kiss it to make it better. And I also sometimes feel dizzy, trying to hold my breath, watching her grow to be a little bit more independent.

So… What about you? How do you feel when your children breaks through a new level of development? Do you have the same feelings I have? Or different?

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