This was originally posted on my blog but I wanted to share it here. I am interested to see how many of you has experienced something similar to this. I am hoping not too many, but sadly, it’s more likely that you have encountered this in one form or another.
A few weeks back, my son and I went to visit a friend of my mom’s. She has never met my son before but she was aware that he is autistic. In the course of the visit, my son was trying to engage her grandson in play. The boy refused over and over (read: screaming and throwing a tantrum) no matter how hard my son tried or what his grandmother said. I kept on telling my son to just leave the other boy alone but he could not understand why the other boy refused to play with him. Since the other boy’s tantrums were getting louder and longer, I just decided to cut the visit short.
As we were getting ready to leave, I saw the sadness in my son’s eyes. I asked him what’s wrong though I had a pretty good idea. He looked at me with his sad eyes then tears just rolled down his face. He tried to form a sentence but he couldn’t find the words. All he said was: “Play”. I was right. He was hurt by the rejection of the other boy. My heart was breaking for him but there was nothing I can do, except to hug him and reassure him that he did not do anything wrong. The choice to play or not with him was up to the other boy.
It was at this very moment that my mom’s friend chimed in with this famous words: “Oh, even though he’s autistic, he can still understand and feel” (rough translation since she said it in another language). There were a dozen or so replies that went through my head (a lot of them unrepeatable and definitely unprintable) but I settled with, “Yes, he does”, and left it at that.
The world can be a cruel place, even without meaning to, especially to someone who does not conform to the norm. This is the reality that we face as parents of special needs children. It’s a reality that I hope will change someday.