The child reminded me of a poignant moment from her babyhood the other day. She was maybe three years old at the time, and still very much a baby with her speech and social delays. I was with her at our church for some reason – going to a meeting or something and she was holding her favorite little super ball. It was clear rubber and had a bright pink sphere with a happy face on it. It was one of her favorite toys to carry around. It took me a few seconds too long to open the door and she got frustrated and threw her ball. I couldn’t believe how hard she threw it, and how far it went. Super ball, indeed! Our church sits on top of a steep hill, and that ball bounced all the way down the entry courtyard, out to the parking lot and down, down, down the hill. As it turned the corner I knew immediately we would never see that ball again and my heart sank. To this day, losing things is very hard for the child to handle, even if she “knows” we will eventually find it. No matter what it is she is looking for she cannot be calm until she finds it. At age three losing something permanently meant hour-long meltdowns – crying, kicking, hitting, whatever. Knowing this I spent some time looking around the parking lot, hoping the ball had landed in some nook or cranny of the asphalt, but it was nowhere to be seen. I had images of the thing rolling clear downtown. Hopefully some other child picked it up somewhere and enjoyed it for a while.
Goodbye is never easy, even as a grown up, but I believe that is where I am at.
Blogging has been an important part of my life for about three and a half years now, but I think it is a part that I need to say goodbye to, at least for now. Thinking about the child’s challenges and triumphs and recording them on my personal blog, and then here at 5 Minutes has been a real gift. It has helped me to stay on track with her, and to find inspiration and hope from fellow parents on this treacherous journey. I’m finding that this stage of our journey needs more active, direct interaction with her, and the time and energy required to keep blogging is a drain on my already limited resources. Sadly it is the easiest thing to let go of. I have tried to slack off in other areas and have found that it just adds to the chaos instead of lessening it.
I’ll be keeping my personal site “up” so that the archived articles can be accessed if people find them and want the information there. If I find that blogging becomes a useful tool again, I will jump back into it, but meanwhile I’ll be starting a new stage, and looking for new ways to make progress on this path. And hopefully some other special parent will pick up the ball and enjoy sharing with you all.
I wish you all God’s best as you continue to support our kids.